It’s that time of year where everyone writes about what happened in 2015 and hopes and dreams for 2016. I still consider myself a blogging virgin and this will be my first reflection write up…here it goes.
2015 was a tough year for me, I have recently turned 37 and I feel like this might have been my hardest year yet. Shawn calls this my transition year. Transition to what…not sure, but I’m over it. When I reflect on 2015, I have a great deal of negative memories, which is terribly upsetting but I do have some pretty great ones as well. While reflecting, I realized that I really need to make some changes, forever changes. I’m not the person I hoped I would be, this is a pretty devastating realization, one that I don’t ever want to have again but hope it motivates me to make some changes.
- My depression and anxiety are the root cause for most of the bullets below and I have lost control over my illness and it affects more than just me. My family takes the brunt of it and that is completely unacceptable. I need to focus and get away from the ‘dark side’. I will not let this disease take over my life.
- I yell at my kids, a lot. So Sad. I don’t want my kids to remember me as the mom that was always yelling, fighting or crying. I want them to know how much I love and adore them.
- I’m not a very good wife. I have struggled since the boys were born with putting Shawn first. It’s natural for mothers to do this, but at some point we have to break away from the kids and jump back in with our partners in life. Shawn is my soul mate, my ‘perfect for me’, my not-so prince charming and I don’t ever want to lose that! I need to be able to show him how much he means to me, I would give him the world if I could.
- I changed jobs in the middle of 2015 and it was a very stressful time for me and the entire family. I wasn’t happy with the change, I want to do so many things in life and quite frankly going into an office everyday isn’t one of them…lol. All joking aside, I’m doing something that I am good at but not necessarily what I want to do forever. I have realized that forever might have to do, I’m half way to retirement age, can’t keep switching jobs.
- We bought a house in a new town at the same time I was switching jobs and the boys had to change schools. It was a tough summer but it was worth it in the end.
- We took a couple of great trips this year but one that will haunt me forever. I’m ashamed to say that it was so overwhelming that I stayed frustrated, especially with the boys, and I have so much regret, I would love a do-over.
On a positive note, I think it’s good that I see that I need to make these changes. I realize that I have a lot to challenges ahead of me, but I know I can do it, I have to do it! I am going to put all the above items behind me and focus on the good going forward. I have a fantastic husband, amazing children, a beautiful home, food on the table and a job. I know how lucky I am and how good I have it, I just need that to shine through!
In 2016, I hope to change all of the negative bullets into positive ones. I will cherish the noise, the dirty socks, loads of laundry and endless hours of homework. I will make time for my gorgeous husband and maybe sneak in a few date nights. I hope to kick ass at my job. I hope this blog takes off and starts reaching others who have similar experiences in life. I hope my parents come back into my life and become a part of our family again. I, of course wish for less swearing, a little less drinking, health and for my fat butt to shrink…just a little 🙂
Now I’m going to blast this post with my favorite pics from this year.
I rewrote this post several times because I hate to let people see this side of me and I’m ashamed that negative memories fill my mind. I have continued with this post so that I could move on, I could let it all out, vent, rant, and get past it. I also know that I can’t be the only mom who gets frustrated, upset and has struggles, maybe this with help another parent. It’s hard being a parent, a spouse, a child, we all have struggles in life and we can all pull through! Happy New Year! Bring on 2016!